I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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