oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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