ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
