I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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