I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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