she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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