my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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