She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
