I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
