Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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