No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
