I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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