Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
