no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
