I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
