just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
