He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
