weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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