she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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