I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
