Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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