the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
