Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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