I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
