I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
