I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
