No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
