Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
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Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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