She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
