chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
