My cat gives me a boner
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
