mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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