His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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