I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
