Duck Duck Cougar?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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