oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
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The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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