i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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