dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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