and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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