I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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