Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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