He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
