He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
