I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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