she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
