Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
