Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
