people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
