Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
