chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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