Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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