Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
