we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
