Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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