so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
