I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
