Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
