She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
