this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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