You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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