I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
