wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
