Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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