Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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